Anddd second time blogging this holidays! idkkk there's just a lot a lot of things on my mind recently. :/ Not a good thing to me. So yeah, just gonna move on to my main topic now since there isn't really a lot to talk about.
Always being a second choice.
I'm pretty sure most if not all of us have experienced that awful feeling. And really, sometimes it feels freaking horrible, and you just sit there stoning as your heart shatters into a million pieces.
Okay not that exaggerating but yeah, you pretty much feel like dying. Especially when you treat the person who treats you like a second choice as your first choice. That really sucks. A lot.
Personally, I'm almost always everyone's second choice, if not further down the list. Well, at least I think so, kindly correct me if you're sure I'm wrong, because well, I rarely am.
Recently, this question popped up a heck load of times in my mind. Why am I always the second choice? Why can't I ever be just ONE person's first choice? It just always seems like I'm not good enough, but no one ever tells me what's actually wrong with me. I guess that's how people are, no?
It's just stupid to me how people treats you as their second choice when they obviously are your first choice and when you give your all to them. Don't they ever realise? Sometimes you help them with everything and you're there for them when they need you, but were they always there for you? Sadly, no. But you do know deep down in your heart that yes, they're there. However, not for you. They're there for someone else - their first choice. And well, the quote below really describes how I feel right now.
I, for one, do not know exactly how to deal with this feeling. Well, I just do the normal stuff people do I guess - listen to music, rant to my friends, and yes, blog about it. (and I guess these are quite effective really, especially ranting to friends. well at least to me. whatever you do, just don't bottle up your feelings, it'll just get worse and worse :) ) And um this may not be that normal, but I search for quotes relating to my feelings and I set them as my status / display picture on whatsapp. You can say I'm a really expressive person, so I really convey my thoughts a lot through words and pictures, yup.
And also, I don't even know why exactly I'm blogging about this. There's just a lot of things that hit me recently and made me sorta think about my life. Why am I putting in so much effort for someone (or rather, some people) who don't even spare a single thought for my feelings? Why do I care so much about someone who probably doesn't even think about me? Well I don't know. Maybe I should just stop caring so much for others and start to care more for myself. And yes, these two quotes apply perfectly here:
"Never lose yourself in the process of valuing someone so much that you forget that you're special too"
"There are times that you have to stop caring, turn off all emotions and feelings, just to protect yourself from getting hurt"
It's really frustrating how someone you care so much for, can just hurt your feelings like you don't mean a single thing to them. I mean yes, they may talk to you, make you laugh, say the sweetest things to you and they make you feel special. But have you ever asked yourself, how many other people are they doing that to? Not trying to burst your bubble, but probably countless.
For example,
Your crush talks to you really sweetly and always send you vv sweet texts. He makes you feel special and loved, and no one else ever made you feel this way before. He gives you a glimmer of hope and makes you think "wow, maybe he actually likes me too. maybe for once... i'll actually be someone's first choice" and he actually knows you feel this way - he knows you feel something special for him.
A moment later, as if to prove you ALL wrong, you realise that gosh, your crush actually does the same thing to every other girl, like literally. He flirts with 57192084971 girls and talks to them flirtatiously even though he knows that you like him. All of your hopes or even your entire life, comes crashing down right before your eyes.
All this while you've treated your crush as your first choice (obviously) but now you realise you're just a second choice (or worse) / substitute to your crush when he has no one else to talk to / go to. And yes, that feeling really sucks.
It's like ewww, not only is that like super gross because the crush flirts with THAT many girls (and finds nothing wrong with it. like seriously, what's wrong with the crush?), it also hurts, doesn't it? Can't they spare a thought for others, oh my, and are they really THAT desperate for a girlfriend that they have to flirt so much? Ew. Gross, seriously.
And of course the "you" will be super upset and disappointed with the crush, because well they've always meant a lot to her but now, no. Just no. (Once again, Rachel and Ruth, please DO NOT expose me. :D)
Okay so that's the end of my super long rant and yeaa gonna watch the World Cup France vs Honduras match for awhile more then sleep. :) And yes LOL I do watch soccer don't be surprised. xD byeeeee. :D
xoxo,
shaniceee
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