jealousy or envy?

It's finally the long awaited June holidays! :D But there's like soooo many projects this holidays too omg fml T_T This holidays will be like super busy with all the project meet ups ._. Still I'll find time to relax myself and take breaks. :D In fact, I haven't even started homework LOL for this past one week I've been like lepak-ing and nua-ing. D: But hopefully I'll finish the projects soon, so I will have time for my personal stuff.

Anyway, I'll probably be revamping my blog or even changing it as a whole (eg. changing to Blogger thus having another site address) so yeahh. I don't even know why I'm doing it, I just don't really like my blog as it is currently? xD Like the font and layout etc, they're not really that versatile. Also, although Wordpress is stereotyped to be "better" than Blogger, I once used Blogger and I find it quite okay personally. There's also more blogskins and themes for Blogger compared to Wordpress. I've tried to find a theme on Wordpress which caters to my needs and preferences but I can't seem to find one. :( But even after changing my blog, I will transfer all of my posts there too. However, all of these "changing blog" stuff is just a big question mark, but yeah I'll be working on it. :)

Okay so on to the main topic - jealousy and envy. So honestly, jealousy and envy is EVERYWHERE in our daily lives - you can't deny it. ALL of us experience it, but sometimes we just can't differentiate between jealousy and envy. For example,

You: Oh my gosh, she's so pretty and popular! I wish I could be like her...

Is that jealousy or envy? Well, it can be either, at least in my opinion.

To me, jealousy is something you experience when you don't really like the other party yet the other party has something you don't, and it often feels "sour" and you'll find yourself disliking the person even more. On the other hand, envy isn't. It's something VERY normal. You can be purely envious of your friend without any negative thoughts. To me, envy doesn't feel bad, it's just pure longing for something someone who you don't dislike has. You won't find yourself cursing the person or feeling inferior compared to the person.

 (oops vvv small but anyway yup you get my point)

But still, it's PERFECTLY FINE being jealous of someone. Personally, I'm someone who gets jealous / envious VERY easily. Even the slightest and stupidest thing can activate my ultimate jealous mode. For example...

*crush likes my post*
- 1 second later -
*Girl A who's rly close to crush likes my post*
Me: Oh my freakin gosh! They are like so close and they always go out together! And now they've even liked my post at basically the same time!? O M G are they like together now oh my no!!! What the hell man how could they!? Maybe he likes her... Ugh oh my gosh. (Ruth DON'T expose me.)

Yup, that's how easily I get jealous. :) It's like the most unrelated things can get me linking it to sooo many other things and ta-daa, jealous mode activated! And yeah if you haven't realised, I'm a reallyyyyy insecure person. I have many many many insecurities. The thing is that I don't rly show it to people, because well, once people know about your insecurities, they start to use it against you... and hurt you. And that's something I rly don't want to happen.

^ this is like 100% accurate omg.

So if I ever show you my insecure side, it only mean one thing - I rly rly rlyyy trust you A LOT. So please, don't betray my trust alright :-)

And I even have insecurities about my (best) friends, I fear that they secretly hate me and whatever shit LOL. xD Hmm, and when my vvv close friends like my clique (esp bestie Rachel <3) get close to other people (or even when Rachel gets closer to some people in my clique), I feel REALLY insecure. I don't even know why I feel that way, I just feel so. Oh and, I get pretty much super duper jealous when she does something for practically everyone else, other than me. :) (Rach if you ever read this which I know you will, you should know what I'm talking about :D)

That's how insecure I am / easily I get jealous, once again.

And if you're like me and you get jealous when your bestie does something for other people but not for you, I feel you. That feeling sucks and sometimes, it rly hurts. A lot. Especially if your bestie does something for other people naturally and willingly, but even after your continual asking, he/she still doesn't do it for you. Okay well, he/she may make a tiny little bit of amends after you ask, but is that really sincere? Not to me. How is it still sincere if it's only done after your repeated requests, right?

Okay so, that's the end of my rant I guess, and no you shouldn't feel bad about yourself for being jealous or envious of even your best friend. As I said, it's perfectly fine and normal and it happens to many people - including me.

Although your friend may not feel good about you being jealous or envious, well, deep down in your heart, you yourself know that you're actually jealous or envious because your friend is better / has something better than you, so it's sorta a compliment to him or her. I'm not insulting you but it happens to me too so no hard feelings yeah, and you can't deny that.

Ah okay I swear this is the end of this long-winded post. xD And I'm sooo looking forward to Ms Cheng's wedding tomorrow!! <3 It's such a special day for both her and us and I'll finally get to meet (3/5) Hemethyst again :D And ofc my bae Rachel although I just met her on Tuesday <3 However I'm not following the theme which is garden / pastel colour :/ Haish wearing my navy blue & red checkered dress from CNY instead! Hmm and hope Ms Cheng will like our class' gifts for her - the Mr & Mrs cups from Precious Thots, "We've Only Just Begun" figurine from Precious Thots too and a Polaroid camera! :)

Here are some pics hehe:

 

The cute Mr & Mrs cups hehe :3

The even cuter We've Only Just Begun figurine!!! <3

And I think this will be the Polaroid camera we're getting for her :3

Haha so anyway tomorrow I need to wake up earlier for Ms Cheng's wedding so yup I'll sleep earlier today xD although not that early also LOL. So yeah, hasta la vista! ;)

xoxo,

shaniceee