always being a second choice

Hi guysss so on my previous post I talked about redesigning my blog or even moving it to Blogger, and yes I ended up doing just that and I'm really happy with the current design of my blog! :) Maybe when I'm bored or unhappy with it again next time I will redesign it again though hahaha. And the previous posts are just copy and pastes with minimal edit so yup, they might not really make sense now that I've already changed my blog etc so yeah haha. xD

Anddd second time blogging this holidays! idkkk there's just a lot a lot of things on my mind recently. :/ Not a good thing to me. So yeah, just gonna move on to my main topic now since there isn't really a lot to talk about.

Always being a second choice.

I'm pretty sure most if not all of us have experienced that awful feeling. And really, sometimes it feels freaking horrible, and you just sit there stoning as your heart shatters into a million pieces.

Okay not that exaggerating but yeah, you pretty much feel like dying. Especially when you treat the person who treats you like a second choice as your first choice. That really sucks. A lot.



Personally, I'm almost always everyone's second choice, if not further down the list. Well, at least I think so, kindly correct me if you're sure I'm wrong, because well, I rarely am.

Recently, this question popped up a heck load of times in my mind. Why am I always the second choice? Why can't I ever be just ONE person's first choice? It just always seems like I'm not good enough, but no one ever tells me what's actually wrong with me. I guess that's how people are, no?

It's just stupid to me how people treats you as their second choice when they obviously are your first choice and when you give your all to them. Don't they ever realise? Sometimes you help them with everything and you're there for them when they need you, but were they always there for you? Sadly, no. But you do know deep down in your heart that yes, they're there. However, not for you. They're there for someone else - their first choice. And well, the quote below really describes how I feel right now.

I, for one, do not know exactly how to deal with this feeling. Well, I just do the normal stuff people do I guess - listen to music, rant to my friends, and yes, blog about it. (and I guess these are quite effective really, especially ranting to friends. well at least to me. whatever you do, just don't bottle up your feelings, it'll just get worse and worse :) ) And um this may not be that normal, but I search for quotes relating to my feelings and I set them as my status / display picture on whatsapp. You can say I'm a really expressive person, so I really convey my thoughts a lot through words and pictures, yup.

And also, I don't even know why exactly I'm blogging about this. There's just a lot of things that hit me recently and made me sorta think about my life. Why am I putting in so much effort for someone (or rather, some people) who don't even spare a single thought for my feelings? Why do I care so much about someone who probably doesn't even think about me? Well I don't know. Maybe I should just stop caring so much for others and start to care more for myself. And yes, these two quotes apply perfectly here:

"Never lose yourself in the process of valuing someone so much that you forget that you're special too"

"There are times that you have to stop caring, turn off all emotions and feelings, just to protect yourself from getting hurt"

It's really frustrating how someone you care so much for, can just hurt your feelings like you don't mean a single thing to them. I mean yes, they may talk to you, make you laugh, say the sweetest things to you and they make you feel special. But have you ever asked yourself, how many other people are they doing that to? Not trying to burst your bubble, but probably countless.

For example,

Your crush talks to you really sweetly and always send you vv sweet texts. He makes you feel special and loved, and no one else ever made you feel this way before. He gives you a glimmer of hope and makes you think "wow, maybe he actually likes me too. maybe for once... i'll actually be someone's first choice" and he actually knows you feel this way - he knows you feel something special for him.

A moment later, as if to prove you ALL wrong, you realise that gosh, your crush actually does the same thing to every other girl, like literally. He flirts with 57192084971 girls and talks to them flirtatiously even though he knows that you like him. All of your hopes or even your entire life, comes crashing down right before your eyes.

All this while you've treated your crush as your first choice (obviously) but now you realise you're just a second choice (or worse) / substitute to your crush when he has no one else to talk to / go to. And yes, that feeling really sucks.

It's like ewww, not only is that like super gross because the crush flirts with THAT many girls (and finds nothing wrong with it. like seriously, what's wrong with the crush?), it also hurts, doesn't it? Can't they spare a thought for others, oh my, and are they really THAT desperate for a girlfriend that they have to flirt so much? Ew. Gross, seriously.

And of course the "you" will be super upset and disappointed with the crush, because well they've always meant a lot to her but now, no. Just no. (Once again, Rachel and Ruth, please DO NOT expose me. :D)

Okay so that's the end of my super long rant and yeaa gonna watch the World Cup France vs Honduras match for awhile more then sleep. :) And yes LOL I do watch soccer don't be surprised. xD byeeeee. :D

xoxo,
shaniceee

jealousy or envy?

It's finally the long awaited June holidays! :D But there's like soooo many projects this holidays too omg fml T_T This holidays will be like super busy with all the project meet ups ._. Still I'll find time to relax myself and take breaks. :D In fact, I haven't even started homework LOL for this past one week I've been like lepak-ing and nua-ing. D: But hopefully I'll finish the projects soon, so I will have time for my personal stuff.

Anyway, I'll probably be revamping my blog or even changing it as a whole (eg. changing to Blogger thus having another site address) so yeahh. I don't even know why I'm doing it, I just don't really like my blog as it is currently? xD Like the font and layout etc, they're not really that versatile. Also, although Wordpress is stereotyped to be "better" than Blogger, I once used Blogger and I find it quite okay personally. There's also more blogskins and themes for Blogger compared to Wordpress. I've tried to find a theme on Wordpress which caters to my needs and preferences but I can't seem to find one. :( But even after changing my blog, I will transfer all of my posts there too. However, all of these "changing blog" stuff is just a big question mark, but yeah I'll be working on it. :)

Okay so on to the main topic - jealousy and envy. So honestly, jealousy and envy is EVERYWHERE in our daily lives - you can't deny it. ALL of us experience it, but sometimes we just can't differentiate between jealousy and envy. For example,

You: Oh my gosh, she's so pretty and popular! I wish I could be like her...

Is that jealousy or envy? Well, it can be either, at least in my opinion.

To me, jealousy is something you experience when you don't really like the other party yet the other party has something you don't, and it often feels "sour" and you'll find yourself disliking the person even more. On the other hand, envy isn't. It's something VERY normal. You can be purely envious of your friend without any negative thoughts. To me, envy doesn't feel bad, it's just pure longing for something someone who you don't dislike has. You won't find yourself cursing the person or feeling inferior compared to the person.

 (oops vvv small but anyway yup you get my point)

But still, it's PERFECTLY FINE being jealous of someone. Personally, I'm someone who gets jealous / envious VERY easily. Even the slightest and stupidest thing can activate my ultimate jealous mode. For example...

*crush likes my post*
- 1 second later -
*Girl A who's rly close to crush likes my post*
Me: Oh my freakin gosh! They are like so close and they always go out together! And now they've even liked my post at basically the same time!? O M G are they like together now oh my no!!! What the hell man how could they!? Maybe he likes her... Ugh oh my gosh. (Ruth DON'T expose me.)

Yup, that's how easily I get jealous. :) It's like the most unrelated things can get me linking it to sooo many other things and ta-daa, jealous mode activated! And yeah if you haven't realised, I'm a reallyyyyy insecure person. I have many many many insecurities. The thing is that I don't rly show it to people, because well, once people know about your insecurities, they start to use it against you... and hurt you. And that's something I rly don't want to happen.

^ this is like 100% accurate omg.

So if I ever show you my insecure side, it only mean one thing - I rly rly rlyyy trust you A LOT. So please, don't betray my trust alright :-)

And I even have insecurities about my (best) friends, I fear that they secretly hate me and whatever shit LOL. xD Hmm, and when my vvv close friends like my clique (esp bestie Rachel <3) get close to other people (or even when Rachel gets closer to some people in my clique), I feel REALLY insecure. I don't even know why I feel that way, I just feel so. Oh and, I get pretty much super duper jealous when she does something for practically everyone else, other than me. :) (Rach if you ever read this which I know you will, you should know what I'm talking about :D)

That's how insecure I am / easily I get jealous, once again.

And if you're like me and you get jealous when your bestie does something for other people but not for you, I feel you. That feeling sucks and sometimes, it rly hurts. A lot. Especially if your bestie does something for other people naturally and willingly, but even after your continual asking, he/she still doesn't do it for you. Okay well, he/she may make a tiny little bit of amends after you ask, but is that really sincere? Not to me. How is it still sincere if it's only done after your repeated requests, right?

Okay so, that's the end of my rant I guess, and no you shouldn't feel bad about yourself for being jealous or envious of even your best friend. As I said, it's perfectly fine and normal and it happens to many people - including me.

Although your friend may not feel good about you being jealous or envious, well, deep down in your heart, you yourself know that you're actually jealous or envious because your friend is better / has something better than you, so it's sorta a compliment to him or her. I'm not insulting you but it happens to me too so no hard feelings yeah, and you can't deny that.

Ah okay I swear this is the end of this long-winded post. xD And I'm sooo looking forward to Ms Cheng's wedding tomorrow!! <3 It's such a special day for both her and us and I'll finally get to meet (3/5) Hemethyst again :D And ofc my bae Rachel although I just met her on Tuesday <3 However I'm not following the theme which is garden / pastel colour :/ Haish wearing my navy blue & red checkered dress from CNY instead! Hmm and hope Ms Cheng will like our class' gifts for her - the Mr & Mrs cups from Precious Thots, "We've Only Just Begun" figurine from Precious Thots too and a Polaroid camera! :)

Here are some pics hehe:

 

The cute Mr & Mrs cups hehe :3

The even cuter We've Only Just Begun figurine!!! <3

And I think this will be the Polaroid camera we're getting for her :3

Haha so anyway tomorrow I need to wake up earlier for Ms Cheng's wedding so yup I'll sleep earlier today xD although not that early also LOL. So yeah, hasta la vista! ;)

xoxo,

shaniceee

priorities

Hey guysss so yup i'm back to blogging after 2 months or so ;_; haha and i'm currently considering whether i should revamp my blog or not xD idek why, just had the idea to. (and yes i deleted one post again HAHA)

So CTs are over and pretty much all the results are back. no matter whether you did well or not, it's already over so no point dwelling on it. If you did well, good for you and keep it up (and don't, DON'T rub it in other people's face). If you didn't, jiayou for CT2 and don't feel disheartened! :)

Okay moving on to the main point of this post - priorities. Well, all of us definitely have our personal priorities in our life, and of course, all of us have different priorities in life. Some place their priority on academics and some on friends.

So there's many types of priority, and other than placing priority on something / someone generally, we also place more specific priority on something / someone within a group of things / people.

For example, you may prioritize your friends more than your academics, but within your friends, you would also prioritize Friend A more than Friend B - a common case scenario.

But really, does people's priorities sometimes really make sense?

and here you go - my answer to my own question :)

To illustrate my point that occasionally people's priorities aren't really logical, I've a friend whom i shan't name so we shall just call her Friend A. She knows she's weak in let's say geography, but she doesn't make any effort / make little effort to improve on the subject. Instead, she wastes all her time and money on other stuffs like DIY stuff and art materials? (some details are tweaked aha)

Like oh gosh seriously? It's y2 hello, it's streaming year. Sure, you can spend some time on your hobbies but don't you think you're going too far like you don't even spend a lot of time to improve your geography when you know it's not up to standard?? That doesn't really make sense to me.

But then again, everyone has different mindsets and everyone has different ways of setting priorities.

Personally, i believe in "work hard, play hard" so even though i spend a lot of time on fun and games, i know when to get serious and start studying for tests / exams. So you can say that to me, fun and academics are equally prioritized?

I don't know how Friend A sets her priorities either but i'm a very practical person when it comes to this, that's probably why i prioritize grades quite a fair bit. Also, my family has rather high expectations so idrw to let them down, therefore i place my priority on grades.

The above is just my opinions, so please respect it haha and don't get offended? i'm just voicing out my thoughts yeah. :) and it's just an example based on real life, it's not really a true story so yup, but some of you should be able to guess who she is xD

On to my next point - priority within friends. idk about you guys but to me, among all my close friends, no matter in class / primary sch / cca (doesn't apply for me but wtv ok), i place most priority on my close friends in class - meaning my clique and some other rly close people.

If you're wondering why i prioritize them more, it's cuz they were the ones who were always there for me at my toughest, and they were also the ones with me at my best. We've gone through a lot together - we cried together, we laughed together and most importantly we had fun together.

I'm sure most of you who have cliques will feel this way too, unless your clique is rly screwed up i'm sorry. But some people who have cliques (which aren't screwed) just don't feel this way, i really don't understand these people, tbh.

Like omgg, those people place priority on their other groups of friends eg cca instead of their clique - who have been through thick and thin with them??? Sorry but i don't get this logic. Hello, your clique (once again) are the people who were forever there for you, who went through ups and downs with you. After all they did for you, they aren't prioritized at all!?! Sure there may be conflicts and hatred within your clique but you can't deny that.

Although there's many conflicts within my clique - I can't deny that, i still love them from the bottom of my heart and they're really important to me. Ofc, the other people outside of my clique who i'm rly close to are also mean a lot to me. So yeah i'm rly thankful to have them in my life.

So again to setting priorities. idk how you guys set yours evidently. Some of you place priorities within your friends based on closeness, helpfulness, niceness, trustworthiness, number of conflicts, even popularity and many other factors. When it comes to going out with friends, we again have a totally different set of factors for placing priority.

Some people place priority on who to go out with based on who asked earlier. For example,

- 2 months ago -

A: hey! wanna go out on 30 may?
You: okay!

- present -

B: hi, wanna go out on 30 may?
You: sorry B, i'm already going out with A. how about next time?

Yeah. That's probably the 'right' thing to do, bc you don't wanna seem like a person who breaks promises to A and well bc you already had a date with A which was agreed on long ago?

But hey, plot twist. What if A was just a quite close friend and B was a rly rly rly vvvv close friend? How would B feel if you set priorities like that. Upset right?

Well have you ever thought of it this way, maybe B wanted to surprise you or do something rly nice for you but then you just happily go tell B that you're going out with someone else. Yes you may not know that B was planning something rly nice but does it hurt to ask B what you're going to do with him/her?? You know the answer and it's a no. By asking such a simple question, you can easily save B from feeling hurt. And if you still continue your 'right thing to do' and choose to go out with A instead of B then well i'm speechless LOL and i have nothing to say other than you're screwed up in the brain. :)

Yes it may be the right thing to do but people ought to be more sensitive to others' feelings right? Just another opinion of mine.

if i was B i'd totally feel this way ^

As i mentioned above, i put my clique and some other close friends as first priority, so even if i already have a date with someone else, i'm sorry to the someone else but i'd go with my clique / close friends if my clique (or anyone in the clique) / close friends asked me bc they're just sooo important to me. :) Oh wells, unless the someone else is my family. xD

Then the worst thing is when you keep tryna apologise to B?? And say sorry oh gosh. If you happened to have read the blog post which i deleted, you'd be familiar with this q. Does saying sorry rly help??? NO. It's like omg just stfu will you, if you knew that B wld be disappointed why did you even do it in the first place?? Ugh. So srsly stop saying sorry if you're rly sorry then go with B??? And like gosh, the damage is already done so just go and enjoy your date with A okay?? oh em gee. And if you ask if B is okay or not ofc B will say he/she is?? You don't expect B to just tell you that he/she aren't okay right. Well, YOU just freaking hurt B so why wld he/she tell YOU how he/she feels LOL pls think properly.

Okayy i guess i'm finally done ranting xD yeah so these are my thoughts and opinions on priorities. I may sound super bitchy but if you don't like it why did you even read till here haha you could've exited my blog just now xD And yup if you hate me you shouldn't even be here in the first place.

Hmm nothing else to say so yeah bye guyssssss gonna sleep now :3 the next post will prolly be 2 months ltr but hopefully earlier HAHA xD byeeeee :D

xoxo,

shaniceee

summary of term 1

Long time no blog again? xD I was really busy haha. so yay yesterday (technically two days ago but who cares) was the last day of term 1. :D Not sure whether to be happy or sad though. Holidays = more homework? accurately true. A two-week holiday would be perfect but then again, I guess that would just mean more homework. Especially with teachers like Mr Ong. xD

So this term was quite fun since there wasn't any common test and it's not very stressed. But all the stress is gonna come next term ugh. I shall like talk about term 1 starting from week 1 hehe and include some pictures if I have them ._.

week 1 - 6 january to 10 january: 

Nothing much happened this week ._. First day of school was pretty fun though bc only one lesson :D and it was chinese ;)

Went to nex with Hongyi on Tuesday haha to grab lunch at Pastamania xD and Tuesday was Dionne's birthday too heh. didn't celebrate / buy her anything though bc we didn't exactly have time to go out :/

Made pancakes for lsp lesson but sad i didn't take pic :( oh anddd for like 80% of the week i had froyo in school because there was a temporary froyo booth!! :D It was like heaven omggg i miss it. Here's the pic of the froyo yay creds to hong's insta :D :

yay. let's move on to week 2 :D

week 2 - 13 january to 17 january:

Can't really remember anything from this week. Went to nex (yeah again) with Hongyi and Rachel on Tuesday for pepper lunch. :D

Made nestum choco chip and cashew nut cookies for lsp this week!! :) without isa though bc she was absent :( It was deliciousss like seriously. but didn't take pic again T^T had no timeee :(

Received gifts and notes from Shiyin, Chengkai, Ruth, Sheares, Hong and Renee for my birthday!! <3 yay for the gifts and notes.

from my own insta xD um i don't think anything else happened this week... so yeah week 3.

week 3 - 20 january - 24 january:

Don't think i went out this week? shepherd's pie for lsp lesson hehehe :D finally had a pic!! HAHA XD

Went to shop for cny clothes during the weekends at bugis street :) once blogged about that but deleted the post haha. Bought a navy blue & red checkered dress, paddlepop pullover, light pink skort, hot pink studded bag and black studded shoes. and also a lavender geek tee and two chrome hearts tees which are navy blue and maroon. :D

had a super funny lohei with my family too LOL had a post about this too but also deleted xD

let's go to week 4 :D

week 4 - 27 january to 31 january:

YAY cny is on this week :D still remember my class was chionging the cny decorations like shit on wednesday xD

On Thursday we had school till 10.15am and yay time to go home for reunion lunch / dinner :D ((and we were supposed to make lor mai kai (glutinous rice with chicken and mushroom) on thursday but we missed it bc of cny eve :( fortunately we made it in week 10 :D))

Went to have reunion lunch with my mum's side at my maternal grandmother's house :D didn't take pic though but it was steamboat (so mainstream) :D and the lohei was so funny i can't even xD

Then had dinner with dad's side at my paternal great grandparents' house :) which is just 3 storeys above my house LOL. We usually have it at my house but we changed this year to make it more convenient for my great grandparents :) We had lohei again and played blackjack hahah xD so here's the pic of the homecooked dinner :) Simple but tasty <3

After dinner we went down to my house and watched the countdown show on ch8 LOL. This year's cny eve was sorta different from other years as we didn't play mahjong and didn't really play blackjack a lot too. thennn i slept at like 1+ T^T like unknowingly bc no one accompanied me to stay up to 守岁 :(

The next day was 初一 (duh?) and i went up to my great grandparents' house again hahah for visiting and then went to my maternal grandparents' house, my mum's aunt's house and my mum's uncle house for visiting. :D then of course we gambled haha. but i didn't go visiting at my dad's aunt's house, my dad's uncle's house and my aunt's house this year. :/

For 初二 i went to my dad's (other) aunt's house and my mum's (other) aunt's house for visiting. Had fun gambling and lohei-ing xD So here's my ugly ootd for both days ._.

Then on the next two days i went to my aunt's house at night. :D guess why? bc gambling xD We played blackjack and in between in her garden late at night omg it was like so peaceful so serene so quiet and so calming. Gardens are fab. and with nice music in the background it's perf. so yeah here's a pic. just so if you haven't seen it on my insta xD

week 5 - 3 february to 7 february:

Um so i don't really wanna talk a lot about this week bc something really unpleasant happened in my family so yup.

But yeah school celebrated cny on tuesday (super late) and 2H won first for cny class deco!! <3 hemethyst ftw :D

Went to nex with Rachel, Sheares, Ruth, Hongyi, Chengkai and Derrel. Meant to be a clique outing but ended up as a failed / ruined one.

And made pineapple tarts :D which was super nice. here's a pic :D

week 6 - 10 february to 14 february:

Made chicken stew for lsp this week but sadly no pic :(

Yay for valentine's day! <3 or rather friendship day. The y2 class chairpersons and vice chairpersons came up with an initiative to write a friendship day card to other classes and guess what our class got 2A (aldraxen) :D hehe. so here's the (super nice LOL) cards we wrote individually to them haha :D

And some hemethystians (girls haha) came to school with a side braid on friday :) me Ruth Shiyin Yufu Isabella and Sheares hehe <3 a pic of us :D and the friendship day merchandise <3

week 7 - 17 february to 21 february:

Made chicken burger this week for lsp!! <3 it was nice hehe :)

week 8 - 24 february to 28 february:

So i missed two days of school this week bc i was sick from tuesday night to thursday :( missed lsp too!! T^T was supposed to make wanton soup haish.

And when i was absent Ruth and Hongyi volunteered me to help for the y2 level briefing for parents ._. here's a super unglam pic of the 2H ushers ;) without yufu and ck though :( Had sooo much fun that day haha playing i have never :P creds to isa's insta :)

And the milk (gross HL milk :( which nearly made me puke) with crushed oreos before the briefing!! <3 creds to ash's insta :)

week 9 - 3 march to 7 march:

Cooked fried instant noodles for lsp! it was deliciousss.

 

and took (half) class photo with Ms Toh and Mdm Chang during lsp <3

 

Went to victoria school on wednesday to catch the c div boys 3rd & 4th placing match between our school and anglican high :) and saw Bryan play hahah xD even though we lost to anglican high this year and got 4th it's okay at least the boys put in their best efforts even if some of them were injured :D It's the effort and spirit that matters most, not the outcome :) i feel so deep LOL.

And then class comm training camp!! with Bryan Ck Derrel Dexter Eefong and Shiyin :) probably the best camp i ever had. was so fun (and funny) other than the bathing part xD Learnt many new things from this camp :) haha did the class action plan too, hope we can stick to it!! :D and the yixian pangseh part was so epic LOL. Felt that the class comm had bonded a lot more through this camp :)

Discussed about new class tee & march class outing with class and also felt that the class became more bonded compared to last year :D sadly didn't take any pics bc our phones were safe-kept by the teachers. :(

Went to have lunch at kfc with Ck only after the camp bc all other class comm members pangseh :(

Anyway this is yixian's ask.fm and the class which he pangseh-ed was our class -inserts laugh till cry emoji- omg soo funny gosh xD

week 10 - 10 march to 14 march:

Last week of term 1 :) Derrel's birthday hahaha got him retarded gifts ._. Went to nex with Rachel on tuesday to shop for the gifts and we took sooo long .-. and had subway for lunch LOL. if you were wondering what's inside it's actually cold cut trio and double chocolate chip cookie :)

So many things happened this week haha. After geography fieldwork briefing on wednesday, went out with Yufu Ck and Derrel to kallang leisure park to celebrate Derrel's birthday :D ate lunch at koufu and had dessert at yoguru :D the green tea one tastes like playdoh ._. and the sjora one is sooo nice. too bad only Ck bought it.

Made lor mai kai for lsp! <3 it tastes heavenly omg.

Did this after school on thursday for the athletics meet on 27 march :D hehe together with Shiyin, Hongyi, Ash, Sera and Sheares :) mainly Sheares only though HAHA.

 

Finallyyyy last day of term 1! :) chocolates from Ash, Sera, Ms Chong and Ms Mok :)

 (should be landscape but who cares ._.)

And a card from Ms Mok to our class <3 her handwriting is so nice gosh.

And our last chemistry practical :( chem practicals are like the funnest shit ever.

And last but not least our class photo with Ms Mok!! <3 hehe she's so cute pretty funny and the list goes on (and on). :D Anyway look at xianlu's change in position between the two photos xD

 

So yay that's the end of term 1. Hope that the new class tee will be out soon and hope to have a fun and successful class outing next friday at vivo city and siloso beach!! <3

And finally gonna watch frozen on wednesday / thursday at vivo city / plaza singapura. hehe.

And let me start holiday homework tomorrow ._. Like there's so many i don't think i can even enjoy this holidays and have a good rest ._.

Anddddd yay you've survived this longgg post and you're awesome if you read from the start to the end of this post like this is soooo asdfghjkl long omg but i bet no one will so yup. Byeee good night (or morning). xD

xoxo,
shaniceee